Internet Privacy & Cookies
BlundaBus loves secrets and we respect that you have them too.
We expect this whole document to be a secret. Who goes around reading Privacy Policies? What is the point of them? We might as well just type some vague gibberish?
We Will Never Share Your Information
Do you know why? It’s worth less than diddly squat! Although of course it’s priceless to us, we will treat it like our favourite china milk jug…
You see we really like you and we want you to be our friend. So even if you tell us about what you did in the woods with that dead badger and the egg whisk. We will keep that to ourselves.
Information That We Collect
BlundaBus website may collect and process data when you use the site, when you register or fill in forms, when you contact us by any other means or just stuff that we read about you on the toilet walls…
Cookies are not lovely cakey biscuits they are in fact bits of binary computer magic that are downloaded onto your computer. Our website may use them to work better. We say may because to be honest we don’t really know. It’s all alchamy to us. It seems to be a WordPress website with some other guff we bought off a nice man called Karl at Ignition Deck.
Storing Your Personal Data
In order that you fully understand the full gravitas of the situation we have not endeavoured to make this bit more interesting to read (To be honest we didn’t understand it at all).
In operating our website it may become necessary to transfer data that we collect from you to locations outside of the European Union for processing and storing. By providing your personal data to us, you agree to this transfer, storing and processing. We do our utmost to ensure that all reasonable steps are taken to make sure that your data is stored securely.
Unfortunately the sending of information via the internet is not totally secure and on occasion such information can be intercepted. We cannot guarantee the security of data that you choose to send us electronically, sending such information is entirely at your own risk. (But we will kick them in their tiny arse hole if we catch them).
Ahhhh I do understand this clause now. If your data leaks onto the interweb somehow then it enables us to say ‘Bigger Boys stole it’ and you can’t touch us. I want to take this clause out now, because if your information got out and it upset you then that would upset us as well. We don’t want to hide behind some petulant words written by a pen pushing blotter jotter. Aren’t businesses a bunch of bastards?
Disclosing Your Information
We will not disclose your personal information to any other party unless:
* We are legally required by law to disclose your personal information. (But still the coppers better come with shooters or we are gonna say see ya later!)
* To further fraud protection and reduce the risk of fraud. (Or getting caught doing it?)
Third Party Links
Ha well obviously links on this site could send you to places that will melt your eyes or bore you to tears. We are sorry for that but that is your own fault for clicking them.
Access to Information
Blah blah Data Protection Act 1998 you have the right to access any information that we hold relating to you. Fortunately we are allowed to charge you a tenner to get that info. It won’t cost us a tenner to get the info but we are very lazy.
(akabobs AT gmail.com) and we will see if mummy is around to award you with a special prize!
Oh and one last point. I really hope that one day have we will have to rely on the nonsense written on this page in a court of law. And when this page is read out I particularly want the prosecution to know that he is wearing a silly hat.